The Power of Gratitude in Failure

Boy, last week’s newsletter was rough. First try at this thing, and I already failed.

I failed to stick to my mission.

I failed to proofread and correct typos.

Heck, I even failed to make the one and only link work right!

(thesellingcollective.com if you read last week’s edition and wanted to see the former website in all it’s glory 🤣)

But in a poetic way, that is exactly what this newsletter is all about.

Failing and learning from that failure.

And let me tell you… I have learned a lot in just 1 week!

Most importantly I learned to be grateful for the lessons this failure has taught me.

And apparently its National Gratitude Month or something, so its right on time

Gratitude and Failure

At first glance, they seem like two guests you wouldn't invite to the same party. But when they do meet, they can create a nice little cocktail that turns setbacks into setups.

Like a meet cute for your mindset. (Note to Self: Trademark Meet Cute Mindset™)

There are many famous examples if this. The easiest one to find when I google searched “ideas for newsletter about gratitude in failure” was of course Thomas Edison.

Now here's a man who knew a thing or two about failure (and probably idea theft). Or rather, 10,000 things about failure. He messed up the lightbulb 10,000 times before he got it right. I don’t know about you, but I would have given up at 9,000. Or, like probably take up a less stressful hobby.

But no! Not Thomas “the Energizer Bunny” Edison! He just kept going and going…

After he stopped what could have only been 2 minutes of wallowing in self-pity and pulling his hair out (which, by the way, is not recommended for inventors or anyone fond of their hair), he chose to view each failed attempt as a lesson learned. He famously said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

Now that's what you call looking at the glass half full. Or in his case, the bulb half lit.

His gratitude from failure wasn't about celebrating the failure itself, just the knowledge and wisdom gained from it. Each failed experiment brought him one step closer to his eureka moment. In fact, he actually picked up on other’s failures before he even started! No better way to learn fast than to learn from others, more on that in later edition.

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Stories like his are a testament to the power of gratitude in failure. It's about finding the silver lining in every cloud, or in Edison's case, the light at the end of a very very long tunnel.

The Science Behind Gratitude and Failure

Now if you're the kind of person who needs hard facts and not just inspiring anecdotes from some guy with a newsletter, don't worry. I am about to drop some brain chemistry and big words right here in the next few paragraphs, proving that there is real science that says you should practice gratitude in the face of failure.

Science like this…

Back in 2018 the a few Psychologists in Switzerland decided to have some fun with some sexy young singles. They attempted to play matchmaker and set up the test of Gratitude and Failure on a blind dates. They sent two groups of people out repeatedly on blind dates with someone different, but always with them inevitably facing complete rejection.

Ouch! Dating is hard enough, am I right?

Here is what they tested:

Group 1 would not be told anything before the date, so the shock of rejection would come as a surprise. This group reported burnout, disdain for dating, and low self esteem. With one serial dater being quoted as saying, “the last thing I’m going to enjoy is another blind date. What I need is some rest”. Yeah, tell me about it.

Group 2 were all told beforehand that there would not be a second date, and that they should make the most of it anyway. This preparation allowed those individuals to enter the blind date more open minded and many of them practiced gratitude. They took the rejection at the end and chose to look at what went well to try and repeat it in the future. They were more resilient and maintained a positive attitude.

In other words, they were prepared to be the kind of people who when life gave them lemons, not only made lemonade but also thanked life for the free lemons and the opportunity to open a lemonade stand.

In another study that I was able to google search, researchers found that gratitude can act as a buffer against stress and depression. You know, those uninvited guests that crash the party after a failure. Think of them as that one drunk person who just won’t leave, can’t figure out their Uber, and won’t let you call a car for them!

Participants who expressed gratitude regularly reported lower levels of stress and depression, and they were better equipped to handle failures when they occurred.

These are just a few studies that highlight the psychological benefits of gratitude, especially in the context of failure. Gratitude promotes a positive outlook, fosters resilience, and encourages a growth mindset.

It's not about ignoring or minimizing the pain of failure, but about finding the silver lining and using it as a stepping stone towards success. Or as I like to say, turning sour grapes into fine wine.

Sorry, I didn’t want to keep using the same fruit for my analogies.

So, what now?

I told you all this cool stuff about gratitude in failure, but what can you really do with it?

Here are some suggestions…

Reframe Negative Thoughts

Though it is easy to do, try not to fall into the trap of negative thinking when you fail. Heck, I was close after sending out last weeks newsletter.

I could have thought, "I'm a failure, and this will never work" or "See Brian, you'll never get this right."

But remember, our thoughts shape our reality. So, let's shape a reality we'd actually like to live in. When a negative thought pops up, challenge it. Smack it in the ass and instead of thinking, "I failed, and I'm no good," reframe it to, "I didn't succeed this time, but I learned something valuable."

This simple shift in perspective can make a world of difference. It's like turning a Picasso painting right side up. Suddenly, everything makes a lot more sense. Or is it upside down?

Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness is not just about emptying our minds (but that can be good too!)

It’s all about being present and accepting our experiences without judgment. It’s about paying full attention to our thoughts and feelings. When we fail, instead of rushing to judge ourselves or the situation we can practice mindfulness.

Take a few deep breaths… Now take a few more… And let’s take a few few more, this is your first time after all. Acknowledge your feelings of disappointment or frustration. Then, ask yourself, "What can I learn from this?" It’s that simple!

By accepting our failures and the emotions they bring, we create space for learning and growth. It's like cleaning out a cluttered garage. Once you've cleared out all the junk, there's plenty of room to park your brand new, shiny life lessons.

There is a lot you can learn about mindfulness on the web. But a great tool for discovering its benefits is Headspace. Check it out HERE

Maintain a Gratitude Journal 

No, no, no. This one isn’t for writing "Dear Diary" entries. This is for consciously acknowledging your failures and the lessons they've brought you.

Start by writing down a failure you experienced and how it made you feel. Then, challenge yourself to list at least three things you learned from this experience.

For example: Say you decided to launch a newsletter to help people learn from their failures. And then you went to send the very first edition but it was a total flop! You had to change it all last minute just to send it on the day you promised. If you did this completely hypothetical thing, you might have learned that you need to prepare more thoroughly, that it's okay to ask for help, or that you can handle embarrassment and still show up the next day.

Over time, you'll start to see your failures not as stumbling blocks, but as stepping stones to growth and improvement.

Here are some other question to ask yourself…

What was the most hardest experience of my day today, and what positives were there?

What is a challenge I faced recently, and how has it offered me growth or insight?

What is something beautiful I experienced today, and how did it make me feel?

And check this out, I even have a FREE Gratitude Journal you can use right here

We have all been late to work before.

You overslept. Pressed snooze 7 times probably. Whoops!

Now you gotta make up time, so you take a speedy shower and you drive faster and cut people off to make up time. Not only that, but you skipped out on breakfast, setting yourself up to be hangry right in the middle of that meeting later today.

How about instead, be grateful for the wake-up call (pun intended).

But, let’s use this as a sign. Let’s learn from the experience. Let’s try these tactics instead…

• Prioritize healthy sleep and rest

• Set a louder alarm or move it across the room

• Establish a more efficient morning routine

Now even with all of this, we may be l still be late to work. But just tell your boss that your dog ate your Win Some | Learn Some newsletter, and I am sure it will be fine.

• Wanna watch a great video on the power of gratitude? Watch this powerful Tedx from Christina Costa (Link)

• Gratitude’s positive effect on our health (Link)

• Grateful.org has a ton of great gratitude courses to learn even more skills (Link)